A Wedding and a Funeral (2004)

Image representing Roku as depicted in CrunchBase
Image via CrunchBase

words: DesmondNeo picked a dozy this time” Childs

“I gave him the $500 so he wouldn’t beat me up!”

You see that guy? Him. The one in the picture above. The Lame-O Nerd FACE!? Well, that guy is a hero. He is not only willing to go the “extra mile”, but he even says he’s willing to kill! Well, to be more precise, he’s willing to kill for her. The one in the picture resting her head on his chest. Yeah, this guy is willing to “kill” for her. At least, that’s what he says…

His name?

Joe.

WARNING: As bad as I believe my opening statement above to be, THIS movie, the one I’m having to review because I chose poorly, WAS MUCH WORSE!

The story is about a soon to be married couple (Joe and Shirley) going out with their friends to celebrate. The gang eat, drink, laugh, and sing the night away. Sounds like fun, huh? Probably the most boring aspect of the film. Oh yeah, Joe and Shirley are pretty boring too. Joe is kind of a nerdy, pushover. Shirley? She kinda seems like she’s going to bleed her husband-to-be dry and then run off with a co-worker. Great start to a great movie right? No. But to be fair I knew I was probably getting about C+ level production here. I was simply curious to see another writer and director’s take on movies dealing with hostage situations. And now I have to live with that decision. Is the beginning of this film the most boring?

Maybe.

Hmmm.

I dunno.

Hold that thought.

Anyway, the gang all go their separate ways, the women going home and the men all going out “bachelor party” the few remaining hours away. Joe does not want to go clubbing (so to speak) and then really doesn’t want to after one of the guys offers to find him one last one-night stand.  So the guys give him a hard time and he leaves to go home.

What happens next is what would have been-in any other decently made movie-the best part. Shirley gets kidnapped. Joe gets a mysterious call telling him to do a handful of things if he wants to see his fiancee again. So like the film gets weird. Or I guess it gets even more weirder. Is that a word? Spell check says it is. Hm. Anyway, this movie really begins to sink down to the dreads of what can be considered a professionally made and distributed motion picture. Because for the rest of the movie we get to see logic and common sense thrown out the window. Joe, who appeared to be a sensible guy become this brainless, scared little man following orders from some voice on the phone. The thought of calling the police for help doesn’t cross his mind until well into his plight. I’m also wondering whether screenplays (or subtitling) can be so bad that it begins to parody itself. Joe’s character is a big’O chicken. He’s easily intimidated  And is afraid of the voice on the phone, so he does what it says. Besides he has to save his girlfriend. What’s strange though, is that during the course of the movie, Joe battles street thugs and doped-up loan sharks. But when he fight those guys, he doesn’t back down. I know he’s fighting because he wants his girl. But the problem is that there are instances when Joe is still the mousy, timid individual we meet early in the film; and then there are times when he jumps and knocks out a gangster with baby powder and chloroform. Yeah. That was a scene in this movie. He also punches out a taxi driver he didn’t have the money to pay. It was self-defense though. The taxi driver, also an ex-boxer, had locked the doors of the taxi and was slowly (and menacingly) putting on his old boxing gloves. If only he did. If only that taxi driver was able to beat the living daylights out of Joe. And then he could slowly, and strategically beat up the writing staff for making this movie so stupid! That was a bad joke. But this was the first movie, out of like the 60+ on this site, that I was pausing the movie to curse at the TV.  I just felt the need to release this strange, livid anger and aggression. Something had to pay. I felt the strongest urge to clenched something in my bare hands and ring it’s neck.  And that’s human or animal. At that point in time I didn’t care. Because the lack of effort, creativity and general awareness for how GOD AWFUL bad this movie is….JUST…it just boggles the mind! Anyway, I watched this…thing on my Roku on the Asian Crush channel. It’s free for those of you that have a Roku. But don’t watch this. You’d have a better time coming up with a superior story. Matter fact, this isn’t a Recapped! review. This, my good people, is a warning.

Watch at your own risk. I hope your experience will be somewhere close to a punching bag. You’re going to need a way to offset the stupid emitting off of “A Wedding and a Funeral”.

P.S.

I could not find a trailer. Go figure. Goodnight, everybody!

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